Better to Die
by ASongInMyHead
Summary: Anna watches her worst nightmare unfold.


The early morning mist had soaked the forest floor, and mud seeped into Anna's heavily-patched boots. Jarred walked in front of her, carrying a string of rabbits that had been caught in the trap they had set days before. Sightless black eyes bobbed up-and-down as he walked, and the hypnotic rhythm was starting to make her feel a little ill.

Jarred turned and caught her eye, an easy grin brightening his bearded face. A sunburn peeled at his nose, and although the muscles in his arms were larger than they had been when he was a blacksmith, there was a hollowness in his cheeks that had not been there even when they had been at their poorest in the forge. The beard that he had sported since he was eighteen was rougher than ever.

She rather liked it, though.

How different she must look, too. She had not seen her reflection in anything more than the river in over than seven years. Once she had taken a little pride in her appearance, but she wondered if she would be unrecognisable to the people who had once been her neighbours.

Out of habit, she turned to look behind her, and sick panic shot from her belly to her heart when there was no one there. She stopped walking and stared into the emptiness, her heart pounding in her chest. Jarred swung around so that he was standing in front of her and placed a gentle hand on her cheek.

"She is alright," he promised, and brushed her fringe from her eyes. "She knows to be careful."

His words could not mend the twist of discomfort that Anna felt. "I know. I know, I just—," she could say nothing more. If anything happened to Jasmine, it would destroy them both.

Her fears were made worse by the knowledge that something _could_ happen. They were raising their daughter in a place of terrible danger. There had been moments—secret ones—in the first days after Jasmine's birth, where she had hated Endon, Sharn and Tora for forcing her family into such an evil place. But she had buried those thoughts deeply into the corners of her mind and never told her husband.

"It is like you said," Jarred reminded her, "it is important that she gain some independence. She must learn how to protect herself in this place. The stream is not far, Anna. We will hear her if she calls."

Anna took a breath and gave him a shaky smile. "You are right. I just worry."

"I do too, dear heart," he said solemnly. His thumb traveled from her cheek to her lips, and he leaned in and kissed her softly.

The house they had been in the high shelter of the trees was before them. When they arrived Anna unravelled a string tied tightly around a neighbouring tree and eased the rope ladder down from its hiding place. It was a simple ladder, made only of knots into a thick rope. Climbing it was a second nature, and in moments Anna and Jarred were halfway up the tree. Anna gazed around First Wood as she climbed. To the east she could see the sparkling stream where Jasmine was collecting water. Surely, she would be heading home soon. She looked to the west, where the trees were sparser, and what she saw there chilled her to the bone. Figures were moving through the forest. With a jolt of fear, Anna recognized their clothes. She had never seen a Grey Guard, but all in Del had heard stories of the fearsome servants of the Shadow Lord.

"Jarred," she hissed desperately. "Climb down."

He looked up at her in confusion but cursed when he saw what she had. He threw the rabbits to the ground to lose their weight, and together they began to clamber back down. To Anna's horror, a cry of alarm sounded from the Grey Guards below.

"They have seen us!" she shouted.

When they reached the ground, he grabbed her arm. "Go to her," he urged, and drew his dagger. "I will go south, and then turn around and meet you."

Anna had begun to run to Jasmine before he had finished speaking. But she ran for only moments before she was grabbed by large hands and struck hard across the mouth. She felt her lip split and tried to step backwards—dazed—but the hands on her shoulders were too strong.

"Let go of me!" she screamed, struggling uselessly in the Guard's arms.

"What have we here?" he said with a terrible grin. He began to march her forward back to the house. Two other Guards stepped out of the shadows. "I would have never expected to find ticks in this forsaken place."

"Let's deal with them quickly, I don't like it here," another Guard grumbled.

"Stop whining, Lan 5," the first Guard said, "or I'll find one of those monsters and feed you to it myself."

Anna shook with fear as they reached the clearing. Her lip throbbed, and she itched to free her hands and wipe the blood away. The rest of the Grey Guards were waiting—she counted ten of them. Jarred and Jasmine were nowhere to be seen, and she hoped that they had found each other, and were safe.

But as she looked around wildly, searching for something—anything- that could help her escape, she saw a pair of green eyes staring out at her from a matted tangle of bushes. Jasmine's face was lost in the shadows and concealed by leaves, but Anna could still see the fear and confusion on her daughter's little face.A scream threatened to burst from her lips, and it took all she had to contain it. _Hide_ , she mouthed, praying that Jasmine would listen. Her heart broke as she realized that it could be the last time she saw her daughter— and that Jasmine might have to watch her mother die. All she could do was hope that Jasmine would not be discovered, and that Jarred would find her when it was all over. To her relief, Jasmine disappeared as she melted into the foliage.

"Get off me!" Anna began to feign a struggle, twisting her body away from where Jasmine hid, so that the Guards' attention would not stray. Hopefully Jarred had not yet circled back and would not be apprehended.

"Do not touch her!"

Her heart sunk. Jarred stood before their tree—ever the saviour— the dagger her grandfather had made for him as a wedding present drawn. The crystal in the hilt glittered under the sun. His face was thunderous, and his dark eyes were filled with hate. Anna felt her Guard move and felt as he pulled his own sword and pressed it against her throat. Cold steel bit into her flesh and she cried out as hot blood trickled down her neck and onto her shirt. Trembling, she waited for the sword to cut deeper, but the Grey Guard stopped, baiting Jarred to stand down. Anna swallowed hard and felt the pressure of the blade against her throat.

An eternal moment passed. Jarred turned his eyes away from the Grey Guard, and tears burned in her eyes when his shoulders slumped in defeat. He turned away from the Guard and locked eyes with Anna.

He smiled.

His anger was gone.

He just looked very sad.

He tossed the knife into the bushes, not far from where Jasmine lay. Anna's heart dropped, but the Guards made no move to retrieve it. One Guard stepped forward and struck Jarred hard on his face, knocking him onto the ground. Anna heard herself cry out in rage, although her own voice sounded very far away.

"Can we just kill them and leave, Lan 1?" Lan 5 asked the Guard holding Anna, who seemed to be the leader. The blade was still at her throat. Anna just hoped that it would be quick, and that they were fully turned away from where Jasmine hid.

"No," Lan 1's breath was hot and foul. "We'll go back to the horses and put these ticks in chains. The Master needs more slaves for work and for entertainment."

A memory came to her, of being very young, and listening in on a late-night conversation between her father and her grandfather when she was meant to be asleep. At the time she had not understood of what they spoke, but she remembered her grandfather saying something in his gruff voice that chilled her to the bone.

 _"Better to die in Deltora_ ," he had said, _"than to live in the Shadowlands."_

She had run back to bed and hidden under the covers, but those dark words twisted in her head all night. Three days later, her father was gravely wounded in a pub fight and crawled into an alley to die, and Crian's words became the least of her fears.

Lan 1 sheathed his sword, but Anna was certain that she had much more to fear. He let her go and shoved her violently forward. Her arms had been freed but running or fighting would be pointless.

 _"Better to die in Deltora than to live in the Shadowlands,"_ her grandfather's voice growled in her ear.

 _No,_ she thought. _Not when it would mean leaving Jarred alone, or making Jasmine watch her mother die._

Another Guard pulled Jarred roughly to his feet. Her husband's face was a mask of blood, and his nose was almost certainly broken. But he seemed oblivious to the pain, his eyes searching wildly for their daughter. She wanted desperately to tell him that Jasmine was safe, but she could think of no way of alerting him.

Lan 1 grabbed her roughly by the shoulders and spun her around so that she faced him. He bared his yellow teeth, and she flinched.

"Are there more of you?" his fingers dug hard into his skin, but she refused to cry out. She thought of Jasmine, and how frightened her sweet and lively daughter must be. She pictured Jasmine in chains, marching endlessly to a place that she would never imagine even in her worst nightmares.

 _Better to die in Deltora than to live in the Shadowlands._

"It is just my husband and I," she told him before Jarred could say anything contrary. Her lip had begun to swell, and her words were a little slurred.

Lan 1 chuckled. "We'll see," he nodded to the other Guards, and pointed at the house high in the tree. "Burn it."

"No!" Jarred cried. Anna twisted her neck as far as she could to look at him. Two Guards were holding him back, and his face was twisted, as if in agony.

 _He is wondering if Jasmine is inside_ , she realised with an aching heart. She was used to being able to speak to Jarred without even using words. Being unable to communicate what was most important was a terrible torture.

The other Guards pulled torches from their packs and lit them. Anna took a shuddering breath as they threw them in the air. Some missed, but others caught in the leaves and the thinner branches. The fire spread quickly—it was late autumn, and the leaves were dry. Jarred cried out and again pushed against the Guards that held him captive. Anna knew that Jasmine was not inside, but her heart still broke as the fire began to lick at the shelter they had built so many years ago. Already she had been forced from the place she once called home, and now the house she and Jarred had built with their own hands—where she had birthed her only child, and made a life with her family, sheltering them from the darkness below—caught fire and began to burn as if it had meant nothing at all.

The Grey Guards were busy laughing at the havoc they had wreaked and Jarred finally was able to turn to her. His sorrow was written all over his face, as she knew it was written on hers. Although her arms were bound by Lan 1, she managed a sad smile and shook her head. Again, she mouthed a word at someone she loved and feared she was seeing for the last time.

 _Safe._

Some of the agony on Jarred's face faded, and his eyes drifted back to the burning shelter. The fire was beginning to spread, and Anna could feel the terrible heat on her face. All she wanted to do was look back at her beloved daughter, and it took every bit of strength she had to keep her gaze far away, even as the flames roared down the trees, and began to eat up the plants and herbs she had used to feed and heal her family for seven years.

 _Better to die in Deltora than to live in the Shadowlands._

As the fire burned, her panic returned. Her breaths came out in short, shallow gasps. _Jasmine, Jasmine, Jasmine._ Had she picked the right path? Was it better to let the Guards know where Jasmine hid? Or was it better to let her burn, or starve, or—in a fantasy—find her way to Del?

 _Better to die in Deltora than to live in the Shadowlands._

Yes. Yes, anything was better.

Lan 1 pushed her forward again. She stumbled over a deep-set root but managed to catch herself with the reflexes she had been forced to learn in the Forests of Silence.

"Keep moving, scum," he said, and she listened. Her breaths had turned into deep gasps, but still her tears did not fall. She wanted more than anything to turn around. Just to say to Jasmine that she loved her, one last time. Just to _see_ her one last time. _My baby,_ she thought. _My lovely girl._

The horses were not far. Every step she took frightened her more than the last. Anna could still feel the heat of the blaze as the fire spread. Lan 1 roughly lifted her onto his horse and painfully bound her arms against her back with heavy steel links. Jarred, too, was chained and set upon a grey horse just in front of her. As the horses began to canter forward, Jarred looked behind. The blood from his nose had started to congeal, and his eyes were full of a pain of a different kind.

"Dear heart-," he began to say, but the Guard sitting in front on his horse whipped it into a gallop, and Jarred was driven to the front of the group. Only then, as they rode away from the fire, did Anna allow herself to look back. But Jasmine was nowhere to be seen, even as the bushes she had been hiding behind were swallowed by the fire. She had either slunk further into the woods or had been consumed by the flames. No, no, no, how could this possibly be real? And _had_ she done the right thing?

 _Better to die in Deltora than to live in the Shadowlands_

But should a child not stay with her parents?

 _Better to die in Deltora than to live in the Shadowlands_

Perhaps there was no right choice to be made.

 _Better to die in Deltora than to live in the Shadowlands_

Every breath she took was a knife in her chest.

The heavy chains cut into her belly, into her hands, into her soul. Jarred was on a horse many paces away. Jasmine was gone, gone forever. The two people she loved had been torn away from her, and she was riding to a place of certain doom. The autumn leaves stirred in the midday breeze, and Anna finally began to cry.


End file.
